Third Day

I am in a quandry about whether to call today the third day or scrap the rest and start over.

Scrapping: I can erase the shame of the failure. I can gain a fresh and new start, knowing that I can do it.

The third: I can count the success of Day One and Day Two and feel the pride of including it in my season here, keeping the slump that followed in its place.

I'll go for risking a few down days between the great days. The habit of scrapping it all (including the triumphs) gives me the sense of total failure and never reaching something. Embracing all my successes and failures weaves my tapestry tightly and bravely includes the threads of a few failures--yet I am still moving forward In an Amish quilt there is always a flaw included so that we can remain humble and needful of His grace. Who am I to question that wisdom? It feels right. Not in the "drag around my garbage" way, but in the "I am the sum total of my weaknesses and strengths" way. The Lord does not make my strengths into strengths, but my weaknesses.

So that means:
1) Embrace all my efforts and failures as cheering points and turning points;
2) Remember to weave more good threads than bad;
3) Let the Lord help me change me and strengthen my weaknesses.

So today is the third day. I have spent the last 15 minutes in philosophy instead of eating. Good start!

Gosh

So day three and four are not pleasant days to blog on the subject of being on a healthy lifestyle. But being it was Christmas Eve and Christmas Day I will release myself from the accusations I am want to administer. So in celebration of the holidays and the forgiving nature of its origins, I shall share the truimphs and own them.

Dad and I walked 3.7 miles this morning. I threw away half of my pumpkin pie. I ate a beautiful salad today. I did not eat anything yesterday while I was out shopping and then ate sensibly when I came home. I made popcorn last night during the movie--94% fat free. I instantly forgave myself after I had polished off all the junk food in my stocking.

The sugar intake was enough to remind me of the reason I am severely limiting it. So I shall consider the failures of yesterday and today feedback instead. I am looking forward to re- entering the crusade and conquering the various opponents that raise the sword against me. Plan for the strategy, prepare the food and the psychie, clear the foods away that are lying in wait as I write.

Maybe I could call tomorrow day three and forget about the last two days. Or maybe that would be terrible, to have to endure day three and four twice!!

Day Two

It is amazing how quickly I feel better when I eat right. I think that the key to my success today is that I am having to use every spare minute to shop for Christmas gifts! Also, I began by drinking 24 oz of water before I ate breakfast. Day two is usually a good day (after the many times I have had a day two, I am quiet an expert). I am not sure why. This one was no different. It was a good day.

Now if I had added walking, tracking and no fudge, I could have described it as an awesome day. But awesome is not what I am after. Just good. Days that I feel in control and stop eating before my helping is gone because I am full. I had half a piece of fudge from a caroling plate and it was so good. But I ran from the room when I was done and played the piano. That plate greeted me again two more times but I had had my peace (piece) and I did not eat any more.

I overate twice, with a mega sized salad which I didn't finish because I was full. And at dinner I had a second bowl of Bethany's egg noodle spagghetti. I have felt wonderful all day, no ill affects from overdosing on sugar. No desire to look back with anything but gratitude that my biggest challenge is having to cut back on food. Tell the people in Mozambique that.

Tomorrow is the day I need the most support. The third day and the fourth seem to be like sneaker waves that engulf me by 3pm. Gotta get a plan. Before dawn tomorrow. Before bed tonight.

I think this picture represents us all in this Christmas/New Year season. We are all thinking about the ensuing New Year's resolution to eat better yet we are overwhelmed thinking of trying to eat well through the Christmas holiday at the end of this week...

We can do it ladies, some of us might just stand around and look the other way (Miriam), others will feel like they are being beaten in the act of trying (Naomi) and some will be gloriously triumphant! (Rachel).

It's all about the attitude ladies.

No No No No No

Today is a sad day. Jared and Lynn left, leaving behind memories of an incredible year. But I will go on about that another day. I have a few minutes to tell about today's triumph(s). After a year of neglect, I am finally saying no. Today is my first day. I have said no so many times that I cannot count them, yet each one is a remarkable and difficult event.

You see up until now (this year), I have allowed sugar to be my drug. Like meth or heroin, I must have it, the consequences are pushed from my mind as I scrounge for it. I place it in my mouth like an addict into the vein. The effects come after many milligrams of the substance. I continue to push it in until I fall over in delight. Then, somewhere in the next hour, the ill feelings begin--jitters, lack of ability to focus, disgust for what I have done, need for a salty snack, lack of energy--the signs of overdose. No narcan is available and I must suffer withdrawl alone, embarrassed and self-loathing. Upon regaining my senses a half a day later, I am tickled with thoughts of chocolate, lemon or other lovely things. The scrounging begins yet again, and I am left berelft of sane thought except, of course, of SUGAR.

Today, without a straight jacket, without a therapist, without intervention of any kind aside from within, I faced withdrawl with determination. My hand caught me on the way down many times as I hallucinated. I saw myself with a cookie in my mouth, a piece of piano candy, a bowl of brownie batter, swirling together in colorful screaming and reaching. But "no", with a raised hand, cut through the episode and vaporized the visions. Still locked into the physical need for the rush of a sugar high, I press ahead to find a diversion.

This is the horror of my first day in recovery. The single "yes" consisted of two tablespoons of leftover FHE mint ice cream. I feel like bedtime is months away. But I think I can make it now. As I sit here typing, an empty can of olives sits laughing at me. The lid is connected and is jiggling enough to make it giggle. I swear. I will write you as my symptoms abate and I can join society without attacking every buffet that happens by.

Isaac made a salad today. It is a start. Another start.

PERFECT Hard-boiled Eggs...FINALLY!!!

I don't know about y'all, but I'm hit and miss when it comes to hard-boiled eggs. There's that pesky shell in the way that completely blocks your view of the inside so it's a guessing game as to if and how well they are done. I wish I could say I figured this genius idea out on my own, but alas, I found it on the internet! Couldn't NOT pass it on though, since I just got done eating the most perfectly boiled egg I've ever had. Try it!!

1. Put eggs in a single layer in a saucepan or pot, put JUST enough water to cover them.

2. Put a few shakes of salt (helps with the peeling) and a 1/2 T of vinegar (this helps with the cracking). I used only salt and they did not crack, and peeled like a dream!

3. On a gas burner: Put the pan on the burner and crank it up to high. As soon as the water begins to boil (not a huge rolling boil, just the little bubbles coming up quickly and regularly), remove from heat for a few seconds, then place the pan back on low heat for one minute. After the minute, remove eggs from heat, cover, and let sit in hot water for 12 minutes. On an electric cook-top: Crank the burner to high and bring to a boil, same as above. As SOON as you get a good boil going, turn the burner off and let the eggs sit for one minute (the residual heat from the cook-top will keep them simmering). After the minute is up, cover, remove, let sit in hot water for 12 minutes.

4. Have a bowl of ice-water ready and use a slotted spoon to remove from hot water into ice water. You can also use super cold tap water, run it over the eggs for a few minutes to cool them.

5. Using this method it is nearly impossible to over-cook the eggs (you know, when you get that gross greenish gray film around the yolk), even if you accidentally leave them in the hot water for 15 or 20 minutes.

Try it, it's awesome!!!

Love you all,
Rachel

Thanks to Mom

It hasn't been since I moved away from home that I realized how much I learned from mom in the kitchen. Last night was an awesome example.

We don't have tons of food lying around since we have been here for a grand total of 4 days. I pulled some cooked and seasoned chicken chunks that my friend had made us when we got home. I cut up that which made about 2 cups. I found a can of green beans, a can of cream of chicken soup and some rice in our cupboard.

I made 3/4c of uncooked rice, hoping that would be the right amount. It was a little much for two people. I put the chicken in a pan, warmed that up, then put in the green beans. The cream of chicken soup was thick so I mixed a few spoonfuls of that with some milk. Creamy! As the chicken, beans and creaminess was finishing heating up, Colin came home... with Ryan. Hmm. So i just put a few more spoonfuls of green beans in there. The rice problem was fixed too. It was the perfect amount and there wasnt any leftovers!!!

A grand success for me. Awesome. Thanks Mom. and Dad.